


If Only

by GamLamLudi



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/M, Major Spoilers, Post-Timeskip, Pre-Romance, Pre-Timeskip, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-07-28 12:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20063734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamLamLudi/pseuds/GamLamLudi
Summary: Chapter 1: Major Spoilers of a character that dies, this story adds onto what is covered in the game regarding this characters death.Chapter 2: Another major character death, but mostly to embellish more on that character's death not getting the limelight they should've had with one of the Blue lions.





	1. Chapter 1

“Byleth Where are you?!” Dimitri cried out.

He cursed that he had left her to go on ahead while they took care of some of the stragglers that had pursued some of the students, after the heat of the moment he and Felix had scouted ahead while the others were left behind to do a more in-depth search.

Felix found a clearing where a figure was hunched over another, it took him a moment to recognize Byleths signature jacket. A wave of relief swept over him for a moment but her shaking shoulders caught him dead in his tracks.

“Professor?” He spoke tentatively walking over to her, she didn’t respond, though she barely made noise, her body was shaking violently, a pool of blood was forming underneath the body she held. In the short time that felt like eternity he saw the face of the individual she was hunched over, her own father.

Words escaped him as the memories of him clinging to the corpse of his brother overcame his senses, his father uttering the same words he came to despise “Glenn died as a knight”. He knew better than to hold out hope that Jeralt was still alive, yet he cursed his own inability to do anything for her. As it was, she was probably so wrapped up in grief that she probably wouldn’t register anyone.

He sent out the signal to notify the others of her location and prepared to keep the boar from bulldozing his way through. And he was right.

As soon as Dimitri gathered an understanding of the situation, he began his trek toward Byleth a hand outstretched, Felix took the arm and shook his head. “Not now, you boar.”

“But she.” There was a clear frown across Dimitri’s face, a certain glint that made Felix feel sick to his stomach. The same glint that showed up when he slaughtered hundreds during the rebellion, he hated that look.

“Leave her.” He said tersely.

“Felix that’s cold even…” Ingrid began, her eyes were full of concern for their teacher but his glare stopped her in her tracks. He knew Byleth was what he always aspired to be, a true lone wolf, she was comfortable in company of people and outside of without the fear of losing someone making that decision for her. She was also the only one that didn’t spout knightly crap to him and tried her damned best to keep everyone alive, something he wished Dimitri would learn.

“I’m sorry.” Hearing a broken voice from her usual stoic on caused him to grip his blade until his knuckles turned white, a hug wouldn’t help, words were useless, and none of them could fix what was lost. They stood there for some time before he was finally willing to let Ashe to help her up. As he expected, she couldn’t be pried away from her father, not that he would blame her but he also knew the rain was getting worse.

“Dedue, please get the professor.” Dimitri spoke, his voice was monotonous, Felix knew he couldn’t hold the boar off forever. The knights of Seiros where honed in on their location so Jeralts body would not be left behind for long. She didn’t fight the second time, Dedue was stronger than her anyway but all of them knew she was in no position to walk so Dimitri took the lead and held her in his arms.

‘damn boar’ Felix wished that he could have let her hold onto her father as long as she wanted, like he wanted to do with Glenn but his cursed father had to tear him away barely moments after. He looked away in disgust, Dimitri clearly didn’t understand that people needed time to mourn.

The trek back to the monastery was easily the second worst day of his life, he kept glancing back to see that she was covering her eyes with gritted teeth and still shaking violently. Despite the fact that he told himself not to take things to heart, it still killed him to see her like that, especially with how stone-faced she usually was, it almost felt wrong to see such a vulnerable side to their indomitable force of a teacher.

Perhaps he was simply wrong in viewing her as infallible, she was after all human too…

Days passed and no one had seen her, each student of the blue lions took turns to get the food for her, even some of the knights that had joined her cause pitched in. Despite their best intentions, Manuela and Hanneman just couldn’t keep the attention of the class, both were obviously bothered by the sheer lack of her presence.

Felix stared blankly at the wall, he felt out of place by not having tea time with Byleth while she taught him the intricacies of magic or discussing a variety of topics of interest, particularly hunting, sword techniques, battle adventures, and carving, she also made sure to bring small batches of meat based dishes with her since he didn’t enjoy eating sweets.

Just thinking about all of it made his stomach drop but he knew that there was something he could do. After class was over he decided to grab his bow and head out to the forest for some hunting, he knew she had an unnatural love for bear meat, with their day off fast approaching, no one would be bothered too much if he decided to head out for a bit.

He brought along his carving knife as well to pass the time.

It didn’t take him long to find the tracks of a smaller bear, he set up a trap with some meat and quickly got to work on finding some dead wood. Lopping some off from a nearby tree, he set to work while waiting for his trap to work his mind settling back to the time, she first caught him carving. 

_“Wow you carved this?” Byleth asked in amazement when she handed the small wooden dagger that he lost a few days before back to him, he never knew why she looked amazed, it was relatively simple carvings of different types of things that he would do during hunting and then cast away since it didn’t serve any further purpose._

_“It’s nothing much.” He replied._

_“I can’t do anything like this.” She picked up one of the small soldier figurines he had carved recently, the little sparkle in her eye that he had developed a fondness for, he realized a large part of her expression was in her eyes, where boar wanted to see a full smile, he didn’t need that to see her smile, she was fine the way she was. “It really is amazing.”_

_It wasn’t until he had found her in her personal quarters that she had some board on a side-table, she never asked him to carve anything but he always wondered why she had it._

Before he knew it, the pans he strapped to the trap began to ring off, inside of it was sure enough a bear, one well timed shot to the head was enough to kill it quickly. He enjoyed the hunt but hated having a slow kill, it usually soured the meat, quick and painless was always the best. He stashed the carving away into his bag, carved the pieces he wanted for the bear and left what remained to anything that needed to eat.

“Gods Felix, did you have to kill a bear.” Sylvain uttered covering his nose, it was not duscur bear but it was close enough.

“It’s for Professor Byleth.” He stated handing the meat to Ashe whom clearly did not like the smell.

“Normally I’m all for courting women, but Felix now is not the time for that, especially with our beloved professor.”

“Take a cold shower, you shameless skirt chaser… honestly.” If she had eaten at all that week it was probably barely anything, he knew bear probably wouldn’t be a good first break of a week-long fast but he knew she couldn’t say no, even on her bad days.

The meat turned out well, there were also left-overs for Ingrid and himself but he currently had a mission. He was never a man of words, but it had been long enough that he knew she needed company whether she really felt like she did or not.

Felix began to falter when he reached her door however, the food from breakfast was still completely untouched. He knocked lightly on her door, she didn’t answer, he knocked again before looking around and cracking the door open slightly.

“Professor?” She was sitting on her bed, staring blankly out the window, her eyes were puffy from crying. He silently placed the food onto the bedside and reached into his pack to pull out the small figurine of Jeralt. He quietly placed it on her lap, if she didn’t want it she could simply put it down somewhere, he wouldn’t be offended, but he wished someone had done this with Glenn, at least then he’d have something.

Tears began to stream down her face as she examined the figurine, she then hugged it close to her chest.

“Fa..ther…” she whispered in a hoarse voice, he hummed in response and simply sat beside her for a time while she allowed herself to cry some more.

“Take the time you need to mourn.” He stated, _‘Otherwise you’ll turn out like the monstrosity that Dimitri has become.’_ Was the thought that came to mind, he wasn’t good with this stuff at all, but the best he could do was give her what he couldn’t have.


	2. Please promise me....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks after the battle between the three houses, Felix had shut himself into his room and only after a small skirmish almost went sideways over the weekend did Byleth decide it was time to talk to him.

  
“P_lease promise me that you’ll take care of him.”_

It had been two weeks since they returned from the battle between Edelgard and Claude, despite Byleths best efforts to show Claude that the blue lions weren’t a threat, he had still turned his army to both of them she didn’t blame him, he had always been cautious with both groups.

The primary issue at hand however was the aftermath, Rodrigue had been killed by some random girl, she had a bad feeling prior to the battle but she didn’t listen to her gut assuming that Rodrigue had only been overly cautious at the time. Byleth headed up the flight of stairs to the second floor of the barracks, Felix had been missing for the better part of the week. She could tell that he was affected by the entire situation despite showing up and acting like nothing was wrong.

He might have been able to convince some, but the puffiness and general black circles under his eyes were enough to tell her that he was putting on a strong face. What made it worse was that he was near unresponsive during one of their weekend skirmishes with the empire, had she not been nearby, he could’ve easily fallen victim to battle.

“C’mon man let me in.” Sylvain replied, unaware that anyone else was around, “you shouldn’t be brooding in that room alone Felix.”

“I’m fine Sylvain, now get lost.” A small click echoed making Sylvain sigh loudly.

“You’re really stubborn, c’mon let’s go get some girls, that’ll cheer you-“Get.Lost.” Felix interrupted. Sylvain called to him and knocked on the door after it had been locked, “Hey Felix!...” Byleth walked close enough for him to notice.

“Oh professor? You think you could talk some sense into that stubborn…” he looked at the door and shook his head, “Anyway good-luck if you try.”

Byleth watched Sylvain walk off before lightly tapping the door, she didn’t hear any response, she looked down at the dagger in her hand, Dimitri had asked her to give him the only keepsake that Rodrigue had on his person.

She knocked again.

“Felix.” She called, there was no response, with a small sigh she grabbed a lockpick and began to unlock the door. Under normal circumstances she’d allow sleeping dogs to lie, but the fact that he struggled to follow orders in their practice skirmishes concerned her, she didn’t want to lose Felix right after Dimitri had reclaimed himself.

She opened the door slowly in case he decided to blockade it with anything, he was lying in his bed, glaring at her as she came in. He then sighed and turned away from her, “Leave me alone professor.”

Byleth walked over and sat on the edge of the bed behind him, she placed her hand on his arm, “I’m fine.” Ie, “fouled up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional”.

“Last battle told me otherwise.” She replied quietly, he began to bristle as he usually did when it was clear something wasn’t going to go his way. “If you need to talk I’m here.”

He remained silent for a good half-hour, Byleth remained unmoving from her spot, however long it would take for him to eventually let her in, she had all the time right now.

A few minutes later he finally turned her way and stared up at her, “You’re really not going to leave are you?” He sounded pretty irritable, it stung a bit but she decided to make her move.

“What are you doing?!” He didn’t have time to react, she lifted his arm up, leaned onto her side, and wrapped her arms around his neck, his face landing in the crook of her neck. She placed the dagger into his free hand then settled for giving him a light squeeze. His brow furrowed when he looked at the dagger and gave a sigh. “Honestly, I’m fine.”

“It’s not weakness to let yourself cry and mourn properly.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that, when she came in the room, all he wanted to do was cry, the damned blade in his hand didn’t do anything to help that either.

“I hated him Byleth, more than anyone else…” he started quietly despite the fact that he clung to the blade like a child, “do you know why?”

“No.” she had an idea given that she heard the story about Glenn from Rodrigue and to a certain degree, Felix himself.

“He glorified death, when my brother died, that monster claimed he died in honor, a glorious death. I lost my brother that day.” He bit back his tears, “He didn’t hesitate to take a fatal wound for that boar, he didn’t give a care about his…” Felix let out a small quick cry and tightened his arms around Byleth. She closed her eyes and did the same for him. It made her regret using up her time reversals all the more in that battle; if she had just conserved her strength, perhaps then he would’ve been able to reconcile with Rodrigue.

“Gods damn that man!” He cried, he was practically gasping for air, she wondered how long he had held in his pain. As much as it hurt for her to see him so broken and vulnerable, she knew he trusted her enough allow himself to cry like this.

“He loved you.” Byleth finally said, she knew Rodrigue bore the brunt of the blame as much as Dimitri had for his own demons. “When I spoke with him, he was concerned with your welfare.” She remembered their last conversation clearly.

_It was a full-moon that night, Byleth decided to head up to the top of the tower for some fresh air. Rodrigue had beaten her to the punch, when he greeted her it was with a warm smile, it reached his eyes much the same way Felix’s did when he spent time talking with her. The more she spent time around him, the more she came to realize how much Felix was like his father. _

_“You can’t sleep?” he asked, she was sure he knew how much of a mental toll tomorrows battle was taking on everyone. _

_Byleth shook her head and stared at the stars. “I’m concerned.” She replied. _

_“Me too, I hope his highness comes back to himself soon.” He replied quietly, “he’s been haunted by these nightmares for far too long.” He uttered. _

_“You’re aware of them?” _

_“Of course, he’d wake screaming in the middle of the night. Dimitri is not built for war professor, death has taken a toll on his mental state and I fear it could become worse if we don’t help him.” He looked down, “I certainly didn’t help matters either.”_

_“How so?”_

_“I asked Glenn to protect Dimitri at all costs, his death was the first to affect him, and Felix I’m afraid.” He gave a sad smile. _

_“I’ve heard he’s not fond of you.” Byleth replied, “is that because of Glenn’s death?” His gaze fell. _

_“A part, he perceived Glenn as an unbreakable force.” He paused a moment, “He used to follow his brother around all the time with a large childish smile, but he stopped all together after I told him something unforgivable.” _

_“Which was?”_

_“He died like a knight, people in Fargus value knighthood and death on the battle as an honorable thing, Felix however never really valued it as such.” _

_“Death is pretty awful.” She commented quietly, connecting the dots as to why he hated knighthood so much._

_“Indeed, both he and Dimitri have always been sensitive, they both knew death at a young age, my wife died before he could remember her but I fear it still affected him.” He sighed. _

_“Why not just talk to him?” _

_“I fear that he wouldn’t listen.” There was defeat in his look, it irked her a little that he’ was behaving like that, but at the same time there was also a sadness and guilt that gleamed in his eye. “Also professor, if I might ask something selfish.”_

_“I’ll listen.” She replied, he gave her a small grateful smile._

_“I’ve seen how attached Felix has become to you, the sparring session I saw last week was one of the few times I’ve seen him look that happy. If-If anything were to happen, please promise me that you’ll take care of him.” Her gut wrenched at his comment. _

_“Are you expecting to die?” she caught a strange glint in his eye. _

_“We’re at war professor, I cannot predict how anything will go.” He replied, “I simply hope that you would be willing to care for my son in my absence.” _

_“Of course, he is my beloved pupil after all.” She replied, something about her expression must have tipped him off about something, his smile seemed almost a little too happy. _

_“I see, I’m glad Felix has such a good teacher.” _

“It was to keep face, he never cared.”

“Nothing about him told me anything other than he felt guilty for what he said.” Byleth replied, “I know it’s difficult to accept-”

“Don’t.” He snapped glaring up at her, clutching the dagger in his hand. “he didn’t care about anything other than his own ego, that’s why…That’s why I hate him.”

Byleth stared him in the eye for a few moments, “You don’t believe that.” She rubbed the tears from his eyes, “because if you did, you wouldn’t be crying.” He gritted his teeth and looked away, she knew he couldn’t argue to her statement.

“You won’t die on me, will you?” He muttered.

“I have no intention on doing so.” She replied with a sad smile, “If I knew there was a chance your father would’ve taken that hit, I…” she bit her lip and mentally cursed, she almost revealed she could turn back time, gods knows what would happen if she had said anything.

“Don’t!” The sadness in his eyes was almost too much for her to bear, “even consider it! Because if you did… I’d…” Tears began to well up as he blinked them back, “I can’t bear to lose someone else to this hellfest of a war.” She felt even more guilty about opening her mouth now.

“I was just going to say that I would have prevented that child from joining our army or cut her down where she stood before things got too far.”

Though he didn’t respond, he moved his nose into the crick of her neck and visibly relaxed despite the fact that she could feel his tears against her skin, “Good… and just promise me you’ll never go where I can’t follow.” 

She couldn’t help herself from smiling a little bit, kissing his forehead she hugged him tightly, “I promise…” she knew that depending on how things went she might not be able to keep it, but right now he simply needed to hear those words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It bothered me that Felix never actually seemed openly bothered by his fathers death, so I decided to write about him bottling his emotions (since he does seem to do that) and only trusting very few people with his vulnerable side.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it’s not cannon for Felix to carve but I like to think that he does as a past time with a knife and random wood, I also like to head-cannon that when Byleth teaches tactics she uses small figurines to visually explain how things work.


End file.
